Are You Second Guessing the Wrong Body Part?

Trusting your gut instead of your head

May 07, 2026

Bubbling up my brain so I could listen to my gut yesterday….

Woo Woo moment! I had just written most of this yesterday but then spent the day at a business development workshop. And guess what? It was all about listening to our gut! Being led by our instinctual connection to who we serve and how we work rather than getting caught up into the rational business speak way. And it was amazing for me. I’m a creative. I feel things rather than strategise. And trying the ‘do business’ has felt really hard for me. Connecting to my inner knowledge instead yesterday gave me several breakthrough. I just love serendipity in life - the synergies and coincidences and magic when we pay attention. Ok.…normal service now resumes below!

How often do you second guess yourself?

If you’re a woman - especially one in your 40s, 50s or 60s - you likely do it more than you realise.

You have a feeling. A want. A desire. It might be something small - like wanting to say “fuck it” halfway around Tesco and abandoning the basket to go and sit in a coffee shop and read a book (Ahem, me).

It might be something slightly more rebellious - like throwing off your bra and running bare-breasted down the road singing Blondie when it all gets too much (Ahem, me again).

Or something deeper - a quiet but persistent pull to stop, to rest, to change something, to finally listen to that voice that’s been tapping you on the shoulder for a while now.

And then… as you well know, everything else kicks in.

The perfectionist in you decides now is the time to clean before the cleaner arrives.
The people pleaser overrides your own boundary and says yes to giving your daughter a lift across town just as you’ve put your arse on a chair for the evening (Me again!).
Or imposter syndrome backs the truck back up over that idea you’ve had for years about doing the course, making the move, putting yourself forward.

You have a gut feeling about something - and then you override it with a “rational” thought.

Your intrinsic knowledge, your “gut” feeling, your animal instinct - whatever you want to call it - is what tells the truth and yet, we women have been socialised to override it all the time with thoughts that often don’t serve us (thanks Patriarchy!).

We believe the first thought in our head, treating it as fact, as truth, as something that’s been logically and calmly worked through.

But it’s just a thought (one of potentially many options). And more often than not, it’s a thought that’s been shaped by years of conditioning, expectations, and quiet messaging about who you should be and how you should behave.

Which means we are very often second guessing the wrong body part!

We get second opinions on everything - except our thoughts.

We’ll get a second opinion on a health issue.
We’ll question a quote for fixing the roof.
We’ll ask around before making a big decision.

We don’t just accept the first answer. And yet, when it comes to the thoughts in our own head? We accept them without question.

But we can’t believe the first thought in our head - not without checking where it came from. Because our brain is constantly working through filters, and two of the biggest ones are simply being human… and living in the long legacy of a good old-fashioned patriarchy.

The human filter is all about survival - keep the peace, don’t take risks, stay included, don’t rock the boat. It’s fight, flight, and for many women, please.

The conditioning filter is about being a “good girl” - manage everything, organise everything, anticipate everyone else’s needs, and for the love of God, don’t be too much while you’re doing it.

Between those two, your brain can produce a lot of thoughts that don’t actually serve or support you.

So the first thought in your head? It’s just one option from a whole load of filtered responses. Not necessarily the right one.

I’ve written before about how these manifest through what I call the Triad of Turmoil - which show up as patterns you live with every single day.

Perfectionism, which tells you it’s not quite good enough yet, so you hold back.
People pleasing, which has you scanning everyone else’s needs before your own and adjusting accordingly.
And imposter syndrome, which quietly (or not so quietly) questions whether you have any right to be doing what you’re doing at all.

And they have a very particular way of working.

You can feel something in your gut - a pull towards something you want, a boundary you need, a decision you know is right for you - but then the Triad kicks in.

And just like that, you move away from what you felt… and back into what feels “safe.”

You Stop Trusting Yourself

I saw this so clearly with a client this week. She is in the process of ending a relationship. Not because he’s a bad man, but because he simply cannot offer her the kind of partnership she wants.

They love each other. But her gut has been telling her for a long time that it’s not right for her. That the compromises are too big, too frequent, too costly to who she is and the life she wants.

And yet her head has been making her second guess herself.

That she’s the problem.
That she’s asking for too much.
That maybe she just needs to try harder.

As she sat in front of me in tears earlier this week, she repeated something he’d said to here - something so unreasonable it actually made me catch my breath.

But then she looked at me, almost asking for confirmation that what she was feeling was valid. Her gut already knew. Knew absolutely. But her conditioned brain - fuelled by people pleasing, was overriding it.

And I did something I don’t often do but I leaned across, put my hand on hers, and said very clearly:

“What he said is not right.”

She didn’t need new insight. She needed permission to trust what she already knew.

Why Survival Mode Makes This Worse

Women - especially in the intense decades of midlife are in constant or near constant survival mode. Enduring rather than living. Moving through the day like it’s a list to be ticked off. Finding it hard to truly rest. Feeling like joy is something that happens to other people.

And in survival mode, your brain is not interested in your growth or your potential (or fun!). It’s interested in keeping things predictable, manageable, and contained.

Even if that’s really fucking uncomfortable.

Meanwhile, your gut is still there waving frantically but you think it’s indigestion.

It’s still there. Still nudging. Still signalling. Still pointing you towards what matters. But because you’ve been trained to override instinct, to listen outward instead of inward you second guess it.

You explain it away. You wait until you feel more certain, more ready, more confident. And in doing so, you stay exactly where you are.

This is also why I struggle with how self-care is often packaged and sold to women. Because it suggests that the solution is to step away for a while - have a bath, do some yoga, light a candle - and then go back into exactly the same patterns and pressures.

Those things are lovely. They have their place. But I use the term Self-support which is about backing yourself when it matters. Questioning your thoughts instead of blindly believing them. Making decisions that reduce the pressure you’re under, not just give you a temporary escape from it.

It’s not about abandoning your responsibilities. It’s about supporting yourself through them in a way that doesn’t cost you your sense of self.

So here’s the shift

Start treating your thoughts the same way you treat everything else that matters. Don’t accept the first one as fact.

Pause.
Question it.

Offer a second opinion (your gut is a good place to ask).

So the next time you feel that pull towards something - an idea, a decision, a step forward - and your brain immediately jumps in with doubt, pause.

And ask yourself:

“What would I do here if I trusted myself?”

You’ve got this. And so does your gut.

As always, I’d love to know what choices you can make for yourself right now?

Discussion about this post

Ready for more?