Are you sending a silent May Day?
And are you listening?
May Day!
I hope you are enjoying this fabulous weather (in Ireland we’re demented with happiness because it’s so unexpectedly and persistently sunny - this does not happen!)
But amid the sunshine and blooming nature, are you silently sending yourself a mayday? Perhaps for a long time?
Women do. I do. You likely do. We ghost ourselves. Stop answering our own calls.
Your body is sending you a MayDay distress call by way of exhaustion. But you ignore it.
Your mind sends you a MayDay sleepless night or two by way of saying you need to address your needs. But you keep going.
Your soul screams you a MayDay call for more support. But you don’t want to make a fuss.
Perhaps growing up you were told - literally or subliminally - that you just get on with it. That it’s selfish to stay “Stop!”. That Good Girls don’t make a fuss. That busy is best. That resting is lazy. That “doing” is the done thing. That women care and create and nurture and be nice. That bossy is bad. Blah blah blah.
Most of us were.
Some versions of how this shows up came up recently in a few of my client sessions.
A woman in her late 30’s who was afraid of saying no to the endless extra work in her job because she “didn’t want to disappoint anyone.”
A women in her late 50’s who is trying to make the right, but difficult, decision and is afraid of the reactions of others.
And then the woman in her early 50’s this week who told me she has a lioness inside her - a lioness that has been kept caged for the last 20 years because of the busyness of raising a family - who is now unfurling. But she’s afraid the roar she feels building in her will hurt people so every time this lioness inside her starts to stir, she keeps her chained.
All these silent MayDays go on inside as we stumble and bumble along doing all the things, managing all the stuff, nodding all the yeses, withholding all the sighs, carrying all the guilt that we’re still not dong enough, giving enough, young enough while really we want to run bare breasted through a field of sunflowers (wine bottle in hand, optional) shouting “Fuck It!” (Or maybe kicking off your shoes, walking barefoot on the sand until you find a nice quite spot to lay your wobbly and weary ass down and smile out at the sea and sky and breath deeply and remember you are alive. Or, as this week’s client did, get really excited about this adventure she wants to start in the form of a business.)
She was so energised about what was possible in this next stage of her life - The ideas! The pleasure of being creative! The thrill of being risky and vibrant! - and then I could literally see the block rise up and shut it all down.
Coaching involves a lot of talking. But I am always watching as well as listening. I am watching to see if the face and body is matching the mouth. If someone is lying to herself, or when the mind sweeps in with limiting beliefs and smothers an ambition or idea as quickly as it rises. I watch to see how her face and body changes when she really speaks about something that lights her up and how she becomes fractionally smaller in person as she rationally makes her spirit smaller with “I’m too old / late / afraid / responsible / blah, blah, blah.
So maybe now is the time (there is no better time than now) to answer your call. To step in and save yourself. To sign your own permission slip.
This woman was so full of fierce fun and fire but kept extinguishing herself.
She told me she felt like a boat that was fully stocked and ready to go but there was no wind in the sails. She was drifting instead of sailing with intention.
And that happens. It happens to most of us swept up in the stumbling and bumbling along doing all the things, managing all the stuff, nodding all the yeses, withholding all the sighs, carrying all the guilt that we’re still not dong enough, giving enough, young enough while really we want to run bare breasted through a field of sunflowers (wine bottle in hand, optional) shouting “Fuck It!” (Or maybe kicking off your shoes, walking barefoot on the sand until you find a nice quite spot to lay your wobbly and weary ass down and smile out at the sea and sky and breath deeply and remember you are alive. Or energised by a new creative adventure).
What’s yours?
I don’t know how many times these last few years that I’ve been told to stop playing small in my work (which is hilarious as I spent my childhood being told to stop being too loud / big / opinionated).
It’s going to take on-going practise for me to listen to my own MayDay calls and stop listening to the small talk that keeps me from growing.
Will you practise too?
Because the more of us that do; the more women listen to our MayDay calls and answer them, with small steps (not all change is a cliff edge) the more we all rise.
I’d love to know what would change if you answered your MayDay calls?
Let me know in the comments below. As always, for my paid subscribers, just email me and I’ll send you a little exercise to help with listening better - alana@alanakirk.com
And don’t forget to sign up for my new workshop - The “What’s Next?” Session.
It’s a bold 90-minute workshop to help you get unstuck, regroup your energy, and get intentional about your next move — even if you’re not sure what it is yet.
You’ll walk away with clarity, direction, and one small, brave step to get moving again.
You can join me live and online at 7pm on Tuesday 27th May, or in person on Thursday 29th May in person, Rathgar, 6.30pm with some nibbles.
This is for you if
You’re facing a big life transition — divorce, empty nest, job change, menopause — and wondering “Now what?”
You’ve spent years being “the glue” and now you’ve got stuck yourself, wondering who you are without the constant juggling
You’ve lost your spark, and want more back for all you’re putting in
You’re at a crossroads and want clarity, not clichés — and a practical path forward
You’ve been living on autopilot and are ready to choose your life again — with curiosity, not just responsibility
You’re ready to stop drifting and start deciding
I’m really excited about this one and there’s a wee Early Bird discount before the 12th May. All the details are here. As always my paid subscribers get a 10% discount - just email me for the code (alana@alanakirk.com)
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