How strong is your trunk?

(And I don't mean your belly. Your life trunk.)

Sometimes I make my clients cry. As a coach of women in midlife, this is not something I do intentionally. Because women at midlife have enough on their plate: heaps of responsibility, lashings of guilt and a side order of unreasonable expectations on the way we’re ‘supposed’ to look, behave and age. In fact, many of the women I coach don’t just have one plate piled high with responsibility and care. They spin many such plates.

But sometimes one of the exercises I use in group work can make some bottom lip quiver a little. And that’s ok. Better to know now that they need to invest more in themselves than they currently are, rather than keep their heads barrelled down in survival mode for another few years until they finally lift that head to realise too much time has gone by.

I call it the Tree of Me exercise.

As they gather round and I introduce myself, I don’t ask them to introduce themselves yet. I ask them to draw a basic tree on a page.

It needs to have a trunk and space at the bottom for roots and space at the top for branches. No art degree required.

The branches represent the various aspects of your life - the canopy of care you have (parents, parents, siblings kids, job, colleagues, community and sports groups etc). Each of these may have off shoot branches (in-laws, nieces and nephews, teachers, kid’s friend’s parents, colleagues etc).

The roots represent the cultural, spiritual and historical feed into who you are, along with the current mental, physical, emotional, creative and knowledge feed into your life.

The trunk represents who you are as a person, separate to the roots and the branches.

Women often introduce themselves (see themselves!) primarily through who they are to others. We forget to also be us. So when they’ve completed it, I ask them to go round the table and introduce themselves only in relation to the trunk. For some, this is relatively easy; for others it is very, very hard. And lips can quiver. Sometimes women can become so many things to so many people, we can forget who we are to ourselves.

Look at the canopy you carry. If your trunk isn’t strong enough, if there are roots limiting your growth or not giving you the right nourishment, if there are branches that are too heavy and unweildy, your whole structure, your very being, is at stake.

Here I explain it a bit more:

So if you’re wondering how you might introduce yourself by your trunk, or if you wonder if your roots are feeding you well enough, and if your trunk is strong enough for the canopy, write out your Tree of Me…and then get growing. Let me know how you get on!

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Join me for The Confidence Conversation

If you are Ireland based, (or fancy an early Christmas shopping trip to Dublin!), I’m hosting an event on the 5th November. Following four sold-out events in Dublin and Cork, I’m back with award-winning stylist Aoife Dunican, The StyleBob and powerhouse personal trainer Tracy Byrne, founder of Burnzone, for a morning that might just change your midlife. The Confidence Conversation is a practical and potent event where we will empower you with the magic midlife medley of style, health and mindset. All details and tickets available here.

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As always, I’d love your comments and shares and insights. If you’d like to book a one hour Discovery Coaching Session with me to get some clarity and / or to see how further coaching might help, please book here.

And if you like exploring your brain and love exercises like this one, I have a book! Midlife, redefined: Better, Bolder, Brighter is a self-guided exploration of you, with exercises so you end up with your own bespoke midlife (wo)manual. Details here.