Midlife Musings... Interview with Deirdre Maher
"I think it’s so important that women support women, and encourage them to be the best they can be every day."
“Women spend a lot of their time worrying about how they are perceived. The only thing that really matters is that you like yourself and try do the best you can every day.”
Every few weeks I post an interview with an inspiring midlifer on topics ranging from beliefs, goals and habits, to food, mood and mojo; from sex, success and style, to fitness, health and hormones, from sleep, skin and hair to career, change and challenges and a bit of whatever else you fancy that affects us women at midlife.
This is Deirdre Maher, COO of Tour America and The Travel Suite. Having to pick up her life after a difficult marriage, she stepped into a new career and hasn’t stopped moving. Literally. She works for a dynamic travel company, and well, it would be rude not to sample the destinations on offer!
She is passionate about supporting women in the workplace, learning how to ask for help, and of course, travelling
So here’s Deirdre's thoughts on wine always being ‘on sale’, making mistakes, and belly laughs.
Hi Deirdre, what’s the best bit of advice you wish you’d been given sooner?
Don’t give too much store to what people say about you. Women spend a lot of their time worrying about how they are perceived. The only thing that really matters is that you like yourself and try do the best you can every day.
What would you tell your 20 year old self?
Life is short. Live in the present. Don’t dwell on bad decisions you have made. Appreciate what you have. Family is everything. Don’t let others bring you down. Status is nothing. Love is fragile so tread carefully. Don’t be afraid to admit your shortcomings (especially to yourself) learn from your mistakes and move on. Don’t look back or you’ll miss what’s in front on you. Be kind to everybody including yourself. Ask for help.
What must have happened, or for you to have experienced or achieved that hasn’t yet, that you’d look back at 99 and say “Yes!”.
I raised two fantastic children. I probably got lots wrong along the way, but they are beautiful and kind human beings, so I must have got lots right too. I will be forever grateful for the privilege of being their Mum. .
Tell us one of the toughest things you’ve gone through and what you learned as a result.
A failed marriage. Coming out of a toxic relationship after 16 years, with 2 young children, into the unknown, was the scariest thing I ever faced. I don’t know where I found the strength or courage to do it. But I did it. I picked myself (and my battered and bruised self-confidence) up, dusted myself off and started again. I switched jobs after working 18 years in a company I loved, but I needed a fresh start. Looking back now, I can say I am proud of how far I have come. I work in a job I love (most of the time), my children are well balanced and happy. I have a wonderful supportive husband who I adore. Life is good. Sometimes the grass is not always greener, but you know what, sometimes it actually is!
What is your “guilty” pleasure (but we’re not doing guilt because guilt is a wasted emotion and we all need to own our shit, so what is your secret sauce that always makes you feel better)?
A bath and a nice glass of red wine while listening to The Tommy, Hector and Laurita podcast. They are a hoot. No matter how bad the day is, they make me laugh, and I’m talking good old belly laughs. Also a good old soppy movie or musical and a bag of Tayto – bliss.
What are you tolerating in your life right now, or what are you working on that you’d like to improve?
I don’t practise what I Preach. I am always telling my team to share their worries, don’t let things build up, but I internalise my feelings and find it hard to ask for help both professionally and personally. I am getting there, still working on my self-confidence but have come a million miles from where I was 20 years ago.
What’s the hardest thing to balance in your life right now?
I’m a self-proclaimed ‘perfectionist’ I like to cross all the t’s and dot all the i’s. I never do anything by halves - everything has to be in order both professionally and personally. I’m a bit neurotic when it comes to the house - always cleaning and tidying. Can’t relax until everything is ‘perfect’. I now refer back to previous answer…………….ASK FOR HELP.
If you could wave a midlife magic wand, what you most wish for for women today?
That we celebrate our achievements. We accept compliments. We feel valued. That we understand we are not super human, we make mistakes and have bad days but we do our best, and accept that our best is good enough. That we allow ourselves to be vulnerable. And lastly, that our favourite wine is always on ‘sale’ in the local supermarket!!
What matters most in your own midlife?
To be a good role model for my children and to be there when they need me. Spending time with family and friends (and my dog) Enjoying the moment (this is a work in progress) Health and happiness and of course travelling.
What is a midlife mantra you try to live by?
Don’t sweat the small stuff. Life is too short.
What would you like to share about the work you do and why it’s important for women in midlife?
I am Chief Operations Officer for Tour America and The Travel Suite. It’s quite a challenging role but I love what I do. However, I hold no value in titles, the most important thing for me is that I try my best every day. I am just as happy to empty the bins as I am running the company. I value my team, give praise when deserved but I’m not afraid to challenge them when required. It’s one of those sectors that gets under your skin. You can never quite leave the embrace of the travel family. I get great satisfaction working for a company whose ethos and culture align with my own personal values. Plus…….I get to travel to fabulous destinations and my personal favourite, cruising in the Caribbean and Europe – what’s not to love. I work with a CEO Mary McKenna, who is a fantastic role model for women. I learn something every day working with her. I think it’s so important that women support women, and encourage them to be the best they can be every day. When I see somebody doing a good job, I tell them. I genuinely want to see my colleagues succeed in life (whatever their version of success is) and most important, to be happy.
Some of the fab locations can be found at www.touramerica.ie
Details of my own book Midlife, redefined: Better, Bolder, Brighter can be found here!
For more details on redefining your midlife, please visit my website www.themidlifecoach.org