To be(lieve) or not to be(lieve)

Weeks 7 & 8

Still running with my 85 year old dad

For most of my life, if anyone had asked me if I was a runner, I’d have said no.

This was despite the fact that sometimes I did in fact, don runners and take to the streets in a fast fashion. I even ran a few 10km mini-marathons. Yet I would actually say “I’m not a runner.”

Here’s why.

As I entered my teenage years, my 45 year old dad quit his 60-cigarette a day smoking habit and replaced it with a 6 mile-a-day running habit, and often I would accompany him on these runs. Within a year, he ran his first marathon, and subsequently ran marathons in several cities and countries. Until last year, he was still running three times a week at the age of 87. Meanwhile, my older brother was in the long-distance cross country team at his school.

Somewhere in those early teenage years, I made two assumptions: I wasn’t a runner unless I was running marathons, and my personal limit was 10km.

Despite the fact there was absolutely no truth or proof in these assumptions, they became beliefs I would swear blind to without so much as a second thought.

Who needs a second thought when the first thought is so strong?

Which is exactly why we need a second thought.

Not long after my 40th birthday, I mentioned to my running buddy how it must be amazing to run a marathon but dismissed it because we all know, “I’m not a runner.” I said this AS I WAS RUNNING with my RUNNING BUDDY!

The next year she bought me registration for the Dublin marathon for my birthday. I’d have preferred a Mac lipstick but I appreciated the gesture and began ‘training’ with her, utterly sure that I would not of course be running any marathon because I wasn’t a runner, and certainly not one of 44km which was waaaaaay past my 10km limit.

I remember the weekend we were supposed to run 12km, and because I was enjoying our runs and chats, I thought, “ah sure I’ll go along since we’ve arranged it.” Somewhere along the way, I looked at my running watch and was startled to see I was 11km in to the run. The walls of the world hadn’t caved in, even though I had GONE OVER MY LIMIT.

It wasn’t long before the 10km distance became the weekly base run. I’ll never forget starting out on the 26km training run. My pal couldn’t make it, and I was running alone on a sunny Thursday evening after work. There were plenty of things I would rather have been doing and I had money in my bra for a taxi as an option to bail. But as I started running out of the city and along the coastal paths, I felt strangely empowered. I ran through beautiful seaside villages as the sun was setting and turning back at 13 km out, my running took a light step despite the creeping weight of tiredness. I almost didn’t want to stop when I reached the end point. I realised I no longer had a limit, and was, in fact, and always had been, a runner!

A month later I hit the wall at the 38km mark of the actual marathon, that critical point when you start to feel there is nothing left to give. For that last hour, every cell of me was focussed on putting one step in front of the other. Even when I turned the corner at the last 200m and saw the finish line, I wasn’t 100% convinced I was going to make it. But I no longer had a limit so I kept going.

I crossed the finish line a different person. I had kept running for lots of reasons; to raise money for the hospital who had cared for my mum, for my dad who was cheering me on with tears in his eyes, for my daughters who had watched me train in pain and in glory (and scream in the ice baths), for my running pal who had sweated every second with me.

But mostly I did it for me. For the me who was breaking limits no-one had imposed on herself but herself.

It was one of the most important experiences of my life - not because I ran a marathon, but because I learned who I could be.

Something shattered in me that day, along with decades of a self-limiting belief I had never bothered to challenge. That something was a realisation that the most important limit to who I am, and what I can be and achieve, is actually me.

Since then I started looking everywhere for these self-limiting beliefs and as a coach it’s something listen out for in every session. After a lifetime of being afraid to put my face in water, I learned to swim and have become a sea mermaid. After years of thinking the way to control my life was to hold on really, really tight, I learned how to let go, and fly.

Self-limiting beliefs are just that; beliefs, like Santa Clause and the Tooth Fairy. Only when we challenge them by identifying their source, and looking for proof do we learn the real truth.

My dad is 87 and up until very recently we would still run together. He changed his beliefs about being a smoker all those years ago, and I changed mine about what a runner is.

As part of my year long Midlife, redefined Daily Journal Guide, I give you 14 daily prompts every two weeks to help you journal each day (or as many as you can muster) to get, and stay, connected to yourself. The prompts below for the next two weeks are about shattering some self-limiting beliefs that are very likely holding you back from a midlife where you can really shine.

I’ve already explained how this year-long adventure with yourself will work in Power is in Your Hand. You can start this journalling guide at any time of the year because it’s not date related: The daily prompts from Weeks 1 to 6 are here.

In this year long adventure with yourself, this opportunity to spend a few minutes every day (or as many days a week as you can) thinking about yourself will transform your relationship with yourself and to matter more in your own midlife and to build self-knowledge and empower yourself to live life for you.

A quick reminder we are in the first section - Self-Discovery for 8 weeks.

(The second section is Passion, Purpose & Priorities and the third is Action and Living with Intention. Then we repeat these directions with new prompts for the second 6 months).

We start with self-discovery because you can make all the plans and checklists in the world, but if you aren’t coming from a place of current self-knowledge - who, how and where you are at this age and stage of life - you could be making the wrong plans, or signing up to someone else’s (culture, society, Instagram, the school gates, the patriarchy, your partner, your parent)’s version of success. 

For just €5 per month, this guide (and lots of other content and discounts on coaching) is for my paid subscribers. For all my lovely subscribers there is my free Midlife Daily Journal Template in my previous post here which you can use as a guide each day - and this is what I use every day.

So let’s get into the prompts for Week 7 and 8 of your journaling journey.