This is an important topic with much to say. I'm glad you're starting the conversation. I'll share my story: My drinking was habitual, a promised reward or social event at the end of the day. I realized I needed to change my approach coming out of the worst of the pandemic, when my daily glass of wine or beer became 2, then 3, sometimes 4 or why not just finish this bottle of white. Yikes! I've done dry January's and sober October's but now simply choose to be more intentional/mindful about my drinking. No counting, no pledges, no reward system. Just a pause to ask, do I really want this right now? The answer is often yes but not too much. More and more, however, as I see how much better I sleep, focus, and fit into my jeans, the answer is not today, thanks.
Thanks Catherine…. I think that pause to ask is the key… rather than it’s just a default action, we insert a bit of agency into our actions… I’m also ‘treating’ myself sometimes with a 00 Gin because often it’s the ritual of a nice glass and ice and lemon that I want 🍋
Love this and the conversation seems endless among my midlife friends. I wrote a whole thing about it, and will probably write more because there's always more to say. I did dry January this year, which was a blessing as January was a hellscape and alcohol would've only complicated it. For me, the trick is in finding the middle between merriment and mayhem. Always seeking the balance.
that's a great essay and exactly where I'm at with alcohol in terms of I want to be best friends with my ex-lover but not have to shag them? Love the red dots idea. Thanks for sharing.
Unfortunately, there was never ‘somewhere along the way’.
I recorded a podcast episode called Buzz Kill several months back addressing the messaging and drinking culture that is specifically directed at women, normalizing consumption as a reward- you’ve earned it- you deserve this.
It’s a mind game designed for you to lose (before you even have your first drink)
What prompted my episode was new reporting stating women are closing the gender gap in more alcohol related deaths than men for the first time in history.
Our organ and chemical/ hormonal process and break alcohol down the way men’s bodies do. We lack the enzymes.
The alcohol industry knows this. They know the reward center in your brain. They know you think you’re the reason you can’t drink.
I’d argue alcohol and the makers are the ghostly ghoul. Not the part of you that enjoys time off from it 💜
Thank you for sharing your experience. More of this conversation is necessary in my opinion
I agree so much... it's so normalised. That's why it's not the same level of a simple choice... it feels it needs a much greater mindset shift to change the whole perspective on the why. Do you want to put your podcast link here in the comments?
Yes! For me personally, understanding the science behind my bodies inability to process alcohol along with a lifetime of messaging suggesting a drink was the answer/solution to any circumstance (good or bad) was a solid start to shifting my relationship and habits with it.
For me, alcohol fell by the wayside somewhere in my 40s. A combination of my body becoming less tolerant (hangovers even after one glass of red wine) and my self-awareness becoming clearer (after building a daily yoga practIce). I just became hooked on the feeling of energy and clarity in my system when I wasn't drinking, so my drinking became less and less and eventually stopped altogether. It was never really a conscious decision, but I haven't looked back. These days alcohol feels like a toxin I don't want in my system. Though I do wonder if I've lost some fun and giggles and become a bit more serious as a result 🤔 But of course, there are other ways to access fun, which don't leave a bad head in the morning. Good luck navigating your journey, whatever turns out to be the right path. One thing I have noticed is that the body becomes very clear in its communications around perimenopause and menopause about what it wants and doesn't want...
Similar experience. It’s just not part of my life now. I will have wine with a meal out or with friends but even then I don’t feel the need or want to go in the lash. I still really enjoy myself. I do worry about the wine culture with some of my friends. It is different from when we were younger. It almost feels like a survival tool where as before it was part of social and fun. I still like that social fun part but I can do with it without. And definitely not a tool to manage stress or emotions. I think menopause and all the health consequences including mixing with alcohol is not a positive combination!
That’s so true about it feeling like a survival tool .. that’s what I’m trying to separate.. can I drink wine because I want to on occasion rather than automatically assuming I have to because I’m having an emotion or going out! Thanks for your comment and well done on changing your own habits x
This is an important topic with much to say. I'm glad you're starting the conversation. I'll share my story: My drinking was habitual, a promised reward or social event at the end of the day. I realized I needed to change my approach coming out of the worst of the pandemic, when my daily glass of wine or beer became 2, then 3, sometimes 4 or why not just finish this bottle of white. Yikes! I've done dry January's and sober October's but now simply choose to be more intentional/mindful about my drinking. No counting, no pledges, no reward system. Just a pause to ask, do I really want this right now? The answer is often yes but not too much. More and more, however, as I see how much better I sleep, focus, and fit into my jeans, the answer is not today, thanks.
Thanks Catherine…. I think that pause to ask is the key… rather than it’s just a default action, we insert a bit of agency into our actions… I’m also ‘treating’ myself sometimes with a 00 Gin because often it’s the ritual of a nice glass and ice and lemon that I want 🍋
I'm so happy to live in a time when NA alternatives are actually good!
Love this and the conversation seems endless among my midlife friends. I wrote a whole thing about it, and will probably write more because there's always more to say. I did dry January this year, which was a blessing as January was a hellscape and alcohol would've only complicated it. For me, the trick is in finding the middle between merriment and mayhem. Always seeking the balance.
Anyway, here's my two cents: https://open.substack.com/pub/longmiddle/p/drinking-and-midlife?r=j2fm&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
that's a great essay and exactly where I'm at with alcohol in terms of I want to be best friends with my ex-lover but not have to shag them? Love the red dots idea. Thanks for sharing.
Unfortunately, there was never ‘somewhere along the way’.
I recorded a podcast episode called Buzz Kill several months back addressing the messaging and drinking culture that is specifically directed at women, normalizing consumption as a reward- you’ve earned it- you deserve this.
It’s a mind game designed for you to lose (before you even have your first drink)
What prompted my episode was new reporting stating women are closing the gender gap in more alcohol related deaths than men for the first time in history.
Our organ and chemical/ hormonal process and break alcohol down the way men’s bodies do. We lack the enzymes.
The alcohol industry knows this. They know the reward center in your brain. They know you think you’re the reason you can’t drink.
I’d argue alcohol and the makers are the ghostly ghoul. Not the part of you that enjoys time off from it 💜
Thank you for sharing your experience. More of this conversation is necessary in my opinion
I agree so much... it's so normalised. That's why it's not the same level of a simple choice... it feels it needs a much greater mindset shift to change the whole perspective on the why. Do you want to put your podcast link here in the comments?
Yes! For me personally, understanding the science behind my bodies inability to process alcohol along with a lifetime of messaging suggesting a drink was the answer/solution to any circumstance (good or bad) was a solid start to shifting my relationship and habits with it.
Thanks for asking for the podcast link!
https://open.substack.com/pub/ashleykelsch/p/buzz-kill?r=h77qf&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
For me, alcohol fell by the wayside somewhere in my 40s. A combination of my body becoming less tolerant (hangovers even after one glass of red wine) and my self-awareness becoming clearer (after building a daily yoga practIce). I just became hooked on the feeling of energy and clarity in my system when I wasn't drinking, so my drinking became less and less and eventually stopped altogether. It was never really a conscious decision, but I haven't looked back. These days alcohol feels like a toxin I don't want in my system. Though I do wonder if I've lost some fun and giggles and become a bit more serious as a result 🤔 But of course, there are other ways to access fun, which don't leave a bad head in the morning. Good luck navigating your journey, whatever turns out to be the right path. One thing I have noticed is that the body becomes very clear in its communications around perimenopause and menopause about what it wants and doesn't want...
Similar experience. It’s just not part of my life now. I will have wine with a meal out or with friends but even then I don’t feel the need or want to go in the lash. I still really enjoy myself. I do worry about the wine culture with some of my friends. It is different from when we were younger. It almost feels like a survival tool where as before it was part of social and fun. I still like that social fun part but I can do with it without. And definitely not a tool to manage stress or emotions. I think menopause and all the health consequences including mixing with alcohol is not a positive combination!
That’s so true about it feeling like a survival tool .. that’s what I’m trying to separate.. can I drink wine because I want to on occasion rather than automatically assuming I have to because I’m having an emotion or going out! Thanks for your comment and well done on changing your own habits x