This is a slightly different newsletter today…. Because support systems come in different guises. I am often asked for podcast and book suggestions that either have shifted me in some way, supported in some way, or simply made me feel better.
Over the last few years as I recovered from a few of midlife’s wrecking balls, (and enjoying some of midlife’s joys) I’ve found real solace and guidance in those guises.
So I’ve put together a list of podcasts mostly, but also some books, blogs and substacks that have helped me handle the stresses and strains of surviving life, and also supported me as learned to thrive in life.
This list is not exhaustive because I’ve a perimenopausal brain and I’m lucky to remember my date of birth some days, but it’s a small smorgasbord of sources that have moved, inspired, entertained, informed and enlightened me.
Some have created real shifts in me, led me to rethink, get better perspective, manage my emotions, and generally return to myself after I ran away in fright at the shit-show of parent-care, divorce, single parenting and you know, ageing in an age of anti-ageing propaganda.
I hope some resonate, I’m sure not all will but I hope they offer some new perspectives or voices.
Emotional wellbeing / getting your shit together
Tim Ferris saved my sanity for a good few years. He has such an eclectic mix of guests on his podcast and the tech bro / investment ones aren’t for me…. but these ones have been incredibly important to me:
Diane Chapman (youtube link) - I was immersed in my coaching / physiology stage when this BLEW MY MIND! I use her work a lot - from the asking of yourself are you below or above the line (below you are reactive and above you are responsive) to the drama triangle… we can ALL recognise ourselves in there! This is gold. Here on Apple podcasts.
Elizabeth Gilbert (Youtube link)…. Her of Eat, Pray Love fame.. this is a beautiful episode about self-support, boundaries and living life well Here on Apple podcasts.
Gabor Mate (Youtube link)- I would listen to him babble in his sleep. SO MUCH WISDOM. Here is are the podcast versions.
Ann Lamott.(Youtube link). I loved this interview about taming your inner critic and I loved her book Bird by Bird. (If you’ve worked with me you might have heard me mention this method of taking things one small piece at a time). Here are the podcast versions.
Diary of a CEO has some great episodes and he has done a few on women and hormones. This is my favourite with the incredibly inspiring Mo Mowlam (youtube link)…how to manage stress and focus on happiness. You’ll need to lie down or go for a long walk alone after this. Apple podcast link here.
Non-fiction books have always been my bibles and there have been way too many for me to list here
Mark Manson - The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, and Everything is F*cked: A book about Hope …. Both superb at distilling coherently what I went on to learn was a mix of buddhism, Stoicism, psycology, philosophy and a good old dollop of common sense…. with a fair bit of strategically placed swearing.
Untamed by Glennon Doyle… brilliant for women who are done with their people pleasing and perfectionism bullshit and ready to grab life by the love handles. I also love her podcast We Can Do Hard Things…. with her sister Amanda and her wife Abbey Wombach. Many of of them are really thought provoking and inspiring dealing wtih everything from inner critic, your family roles, money, rethinking, overthinking, making friends, and so many great guests. Do go back over the backlog for the subjects that speak to you.
On just getting on with life without fucking it up too much / fairness at home
LOVE this last column Oliver Burkeman wrote for the Guardian after writing This Column Will Change Your Life for over 10 years. https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/sep/04/oliver-burkemans-last-column-the-eight-secrets-to-a-fairly-fulfilled-life
I now read anything he writes including his newsletter.which you can sign up to on his website here. He makes sense of all the shit we’re trying to make sense of, I am currently enjoying his famous book Four Thousand Weeks - the anti-time management book about choosing time, not chasing it.
Everything by the amazing Cheryl Strayed. I quote her often, especially her line - In your twenties you ask yourself “Who am I?” In midlife you ask the better question “Who am I, really?”
She is of the book Wild fame but before that book she wrote an anonymous advice column called Dear Sugar. She made this into a book Tiny Beautiful Things which is now a TV series. I recommend them all,….. and this exquisite series of interviews Dear Sugar Calling she did with some own my favourite writers including Margaret Atwood, Alice Walker, Amy Tan, Judy Bloom, and some I didn’t know but all of them are insightful.
A book that really helped me with grief and the sheer weight of my life at times is Broken Open by Elizabeth Lesser. This is about growing from difficult times. We hear so much about Post traumatic stress but there is so much more in post traumatic growth. I know that from my own life and it’s something central to my coaching…… No one gets through life unscathed, and how we emerge from the hard or dark times determines who we go on to become. She is also interviewed on the Tim Ferris podcast too which is where I found her.
Eve Rodsky should become an all-time feminist hero. She wrote Fair Play after realising her happy marraige was blighted by the unfairness of unequal workload. I sue her work a lot in my own. I have the book but she has a card game for couples ot help them divvie up the work more equally, especially the mental responsibility.
Health, nutrition. fitness and beauty
Dr Stacy Sims - her tagline is Women are not just small men and she has been a GAME CHANGER for me. Finally someone differentiating between the female body in terms of diet, metabolism, nutrition and exercises
This is her on the Mel Robbins podcast - even if you watch the first 5 minutes of the YouTube versions (all the podcast versions are there too) you’ll understand what this is so important. This tac kles all the bullshit and confusion around exercise, timings, fasting etc
On that, this is just a bit of advice from me on how to measure your health and fitness progress. I have big boobs, so I find weight is so arbitrary - women’s weight fluctuates monthly, boobs weigh more than no boobs but aren’t indicative of general body measurements so I don’t use scales (I also have 3 daughters so took scales out of my house years ago and try to talk about being healthy rather than slim or fit.) Anyhoo…. A good friend recommended getting a body composition scan done - which I did. (I did mine here but you’ll get them at most nutritionists - mine was €25 for 15 minutes scan and run through). I’ll now use this every 6 months as my marker and goal base line… it measures fat, muscle, hydration etc and makes it easier to figure out what you might need to do for whatever age and stage you are at.
On this - a great book (with a terrible, terrible name) is Younger Next Year for women - live strong, fit, sexy and smart - until you’re 80 and beyond. Very “American” but the principals are rock solid - get your nutrition, exercise and community right, and so much else will fall into place.
Rachel Graham is a menopause nutritionist who runs fab workshops. Her book Nourish for Menopause is incredible detailed on what foods provide what benefits and how to put them all together. I have changed my whole diet these last 5/6 years and it’s so important for women. That doesn’t mean I don’t indulge but I do pack seeds into every meal 😂
Liz Earle’s podcast is amazing for the deep dive into all things menopause, health, and looking after yourself... for some reason her voice just regulates my nervous system!
I’ve been recommended the newsletter by Dr Vonda Wright and I’ve only had two but I’ll add it in here because her focus is strength and longesvity. I’ve pre-ordered her new book Unbreakable.
General
I like the Davina McCall podcast Begin Again. Not all land with me but most do.
Postcards from Midlife is a really good staple of info and inspiration as we navigate this messy midlife.
Strangers on a Bench… is such a beautiful concert. Musician Tom Rosenthal approaches strangers sitting on park benches and records their conversation. The conversations just show how much people are going through, carry, are amazing and it really makes you believe in humanity. This is one of my favourites… the disappearing cyclist.
Reclamation by Monica Lewensky. Having spent years reclaiming who she is after having her youth was hijacked by events, she interviews people who are also reclaiming who they are. Really lovely.
Oh there are likely so many more so I’m going to build another list and I’d welcome all suggestions too.
And if I may be so bold….. I’ll add in some of my own podcast interviews on everything from divorce, grief, equality in the home, fitness, love and you know, the general attempt to live life well. Here are the main ones.
That’s it! I hope you have a happy week of listening, reading and learning. As always, thank you for being here. Please join me in the comments below (if you’re reading this in an email, please click on the link below to go through to the website to join the conversation.) And please take a moment to like and share if you enjoyed it!
In other news….
If you need some self-support strategies (and a deep delve back to yourself) for the ramping up of Autumn, doors are open for The Balanced Life Blueprint which starts on the 8th September. It’s a 10-week group coaching experience to help you reconnect, reset, and realign. Not a ramping up - a revving up of you. You’ll walk away believing in yourself more, backing yourself better, and feeling more balanced than you have in ages.
And of course…. for a real pause with purpose, my four day couching adventure Soul & Spice brings you to the desert and city of Marrakech is on the 8th-11th November for an exploration of senses and self.
If you need a little free summer mini-midlife guide for Getting Your Sh*t Together…. I have one! https://www.alanakirk.com/midlifeguide
And if you fancy one powerful hour with me to figure out your next brave steps details of my Breakthrough Empower Hour are here. (10% discount for my paid subscribers).