Great post. What I've noticed personally is when I'm most controlling is when my nervous system is in fight/flight mode. For me, learning how to regulate my nervous system has been key (and is an ongoing work in progress!)
Exactly right! It's when we feel least in control we go into control overdrive... I'm the same... trying to check my body first before my mind takes over. And yes,,, it's definitely a work in progress!
So interesting Alana, thanks for making this less of a negative trait. It's got me questioning when I'm most controlling and why? I think it's around domestic tasks/business - that I'm mostly in charge of most of the time - when other people (family members) try and do things differently it triggers an anxious response because 1. outrageous!! this is my job and 2. I do not have time for this to go wrong (let's save time, my way's the right way!)...
Yep! That's exactly the ping pong that goes on in our heads! But if we never let them do it at all (even if it's totally crap - my kids have no concept of hoovering corners of rooms but some of the time I just need it done in some fashion so I don't have to do it in top of everything else.) I can now live with corners being hoovered every third or so time. My Perfectionist self is hyper-ventilating but the rest of me is weeping with relief and getting on with other stuff. And as yet, the Societal Stazi have yet to come knocking on my door 😅
I believe a lot of this deals with self-discipline and having healthy boundaries. When an individual is shamed for something then they take that shame and try to control aspects of their life in order for them to not get shamed again. Somebody crossed their boundary by shaming them and now they are wanting to displace that energy that they took in onto somebody else. Once an individual becomes assertive then they learn to mind their own business and take CARE of their responsibility, which is themselves. In turn this will show others how to take CARE of themselves. If you are not caring for yourself then you will develop WORRY. That worry is what generates fears of the unknown instead of faith in the unknown. Therefore, everything in the unknown becomes threatening instead of another opportunity for creativity.
When an individual CHOOSES to take CARE of themselves then they will find life to become very simple and easy because now they will discover the meaning of their existence. - just to BeLIVE… be alive.
Everything else is extra. Nobody NEEDS to do anything but die. Everything else is a CHOICE.
Great post. What I've noticed personally is when I'm most controlling is when my nervous system is in fight/flight mode. For me, learning how to regulate my nervous system has been key (and is an ongoing work in progress!)
Exactly right! It's when we feel least in control we go into control overdrive... I'm the same... trying to check my body first before my mind takes over. And yes,,, it's definitely a work in progress!
I highlighted many bits to restack. Great piece. Back to try and stick with one resonating quote.
Thanks so much Sharon!
So interesting Alana, thanks for making this less of a negative trait. It's got me questioning when I'm most controlling and why? I think it's around domestic tasks/business - that I'm mostly in charge of most of the time - when other people (family members) try and do things differently it triggers an anxious response because 1. outrageous!! this is my job and 2. I do not have time for this to go wrong (let's save time, my way's the right way!)...
Yep! That's exactly the ping pong that goes on in our heads! But if we never let them do it at all (even if it's totally crap - my kids have no concept of hoovering corners of rooms but some of the time I just need it done in some fashion so I don't have to do it in top of everything else.) I can now live with corners being hoovered every third or so time. My Perfectionist self is hyper-ventilating but the rest of me is weeping with relief and getting on with other stuff. And as yet, the Societal Stazi have yet to come knocking on my door 😅
GREAT GREAT read! As usual, you hit the nail on the head and give me good stuff to reflect on.
Ah thank you so much… hope you’re letting lots go!
This piece should be required reading for every woman! It’s a fresh take on perfectionism and control that has given me much to think about.
Ah thank you!
Certainly a aha moment for me, as Wife and Mum of two teens myself 15 and 17 this rings so true with me soooo much.
Yep, gorgeous as they are they can be soul suckers if we’re not careful!
I believe a lot of this deals with self-discipline and having healthy boundaries. When an individual is shamed for something then they take that shame and try to control aspects of their life in order for them to not get shamed again. Somebody crossed their boundary by shaming them and now they are wanting to displace that energy that they took in onto somebody else. Once an individual becomes assertive then they learn to mind their own business and take CARE of their responsibility, which is themselves. In turn this will show others how to take CARE of themselves. If you are not caring for yourself then you will develop WORRY. That worry is what generates fears of the unknown instead of faith in the unknown. Therefore, everything in the unknown becomes threatening instead of another opportunity for creativity.
When an individual CHOOSES to take CARE of themselves then they will find life to become very simple and easy because now they will discover the meaning of their existence. - just to BeLIVE… be alive.
Everything else is extra. Nobody NEEDS to do anything but die. Everything else is a CHOICE.
🙏🏽❤️♾️