Are you fooling yourself?
This is not working.
You can have it all!
If you smile, be a Good Girl, and walk through life like everyone’s judging, you will be rewarded with time for yourself, all your needs met and you can be and do exactly what you want.
April fools!
Yep, except we are the fools.
We women who still believe the old outdated social narrative that our only value comes in what we do for others.
We women who sacrifice ourselves at the alter of martyrdom only to turn around and realise it was a thankless job.
We women who feel such pressure to spin the plates because if you keep on spinning somehow, the physics will work and the plates will get cleared and you’ll be able to stop once in a while.
We are all these women to greater and lesser extents, at different times of our lives. Not because we are fools but because we were fooled into thinking that when the other half of the population where suddenly educated, allowed to vote and get jobs we liked, we could “have it all!”
But often it just feels like doing it all right?
As I’ve written about before here, and what I’m really digging into in my next book Unburdened: Getting out of your head and into your life, women today are caught in this amazing and seismic transition away from a deeply set patriarchal system towards one where men and women get to live less gender-controlled life.
In this new equitable society, men will get to balance work with family life better, be able to explore new avenues at different times of their lives because they’re not anchored down by having to be the only bread winner, and have deep, connected relationships with their kids. They’ll be able to live to an expanded version of masculine which encourages them support their own mental health, seek help and be a rounded person with friends and community.
Women will be able to share the responsibility of raising a family with a willing partner, work in organisations that understand that the career ladder model doesn’t support her, and a climbing wall model supports everyone, a world where women are not just small men, but our different bodies, lives and experiences are normalised.
But until then…. we are fooled into thinking we are the problem.
But we - you - are not.
The Quadrant of Chaos is - the four “overs” that mess with your brain so much is what fools us into (over)thinking if we just get on top of it all, we can feel on top of everything.
The practical overload of the struggle to juggle it all.
The mental overwhelm of keeping everything and everyone in place.
The emotional over-responsibility of feeling responsible for everyone’s happiness.
The overbearing mind fuckery from that outdated patriarchal system that constantly told women who and how they should be.
That means balance is really hard to achieve because we are fooled into reacting to those four chaotic overwhelms instead of being able to proact in a measured way.
So we are in transition. Towards a more measured and balanced society.
Where women will be living in a world where our lives are normalised and no-one is a fool.
Because who are we fooling that all of this rushing and racing makes us happy?
No-one.
When our own light diminishes, it diminishes our relationships with others.
When our own needs aren’t met, we are denying those we love the real us.
When our own sense of self is skewered, shamed or shelved, none of our roles and responsibilities are authentic.
So instead of being April Fools and Every-Other-Month-of-the-Year Fools, let’s tap into the wise woman within.
Let’s remember it’s not a race of reaction but a pace of proaction where you understand that much of that Quadrant is bullshit and you have more choice than you think.
Balance is a dance, not a fool’s dance but a dance of choice. Always based on your circumstances AND your current capacity. When means the standards / expectations and priorities shift, not you hanging on by your fingernails, or maybe even the mayhem has reduced but you’ve no idea what to do with yourself now.
Let’s not fool ourselves any more, that we’ll find time and energy to be and think and feel and rest and enjoy and play when we’ve ticked all the boxes. Let’s just wise up and make sure there is always a box against your own name.
And I’d love to show you the steps to this dance. The Balanced Life Blueprint starts on the 14th April - details below. Let’s dance, not spin!
Please join me in the comments below (if you’re reading this in an email, please click on the link below to go through to the website to join the conversation.) And please take a moment to like and share if you enjoyed it! As always, if you fancy a coaching hour with me to give yourself the time to think about yourself and next steps, you can book a Breakthrough Empower Hour here. And as always, my paid subscribers get a 10% discount - just email me at alana@alanakirk.com
My next Group coaching programme is up and ready for fabulous women to join. It starts on the 14th April.
The Balanced Life Blueprint
10 weeks to delve deep into where and how and who you are at this age and stage - whatever that is - and create a clear and confident pathway ahead.
All the details are at https://www.themidlifecoach.org/coaching-in-a-group
My paid subscribers get a discount - email me at alana@alanakirk.com
As always - all my coaching options are over on my (sparkly new!) website
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