Want to remote control your life?

Seriously..... enough is enough

Jan 29, 2025

Quick note before the main post…..My new 12 week coaching adventure, Be Brilliantly YOU - Living a Better, Bolder, Brighter life starts on the 10th February that will help you find balance, joy and direction… all the details are below.

Seriously….. can you ever get a break?

In my series of helping us women define what enough is (rather than always trying to be enough by external standards, starting with enough is enough here), this week it’s about getting enough space to actually stop your hair being on fire long enough to get your head straight.

Women are told many lies. We’re told that if we turn ourselves inside out trying to please everyone, everyone will be pleased with us. Nope.

We’re told if we get busy with the work of caring, of course there’ll be time left for us! Nope.

We’re told that we can “have it all”, not just do it all and feel knackered. Nope.

Liar, liar, hair on fire!

But the biggest lie you are told - and let’s face it, the call is most often coming from inside the house as you lie to reassure yourself every day - is that if you get to the end of the To-Do list, the birds will burst into song, the clouds will part and light will shine on your glowing, anti-ageing face, and you’ll sip a cocktail while your children ask what they can do to help, and your partner suddenly sees all the invisible work that you do and draws up a plan to take half of it off your shoulders (or, if you’re divorced like me, Keanu Reeves will rock up at your door to save you from the midlife Hunger Games of dating apps.)

Nope. Nopety, fucking, nope.

So enough is enough with the lie……there is no such thing as a TO-DO list.

There is only a Keep-Doing list.

I mean, I’m writing a whole new book on the sapping of our souls, time and energy from the overwhelm, over-responsibility and over-thinking we women experience on a daily basis, and I’ll be exploring all the reasons why and how to stop it, but for now, can we start with addressing that fact, and stop believing the lie that if we keep doing, we’ll get to be?

I’m 55 next month, and I do not see an end of the To-Do list anywhere in my immediate future. Not the To-Do list I actually WANT to do. The reading of the towering pile of books beside my bed. The crochet set my daughter got at Christmas that I’ve been promising her we’d do since she opened it. The dating app I swore I’d sign up to AGAIN once the new year started.

Instead, I have a house that is more needy than 15 toddlers who haven’t had their morning nap, (including two new kitchen roof leaks after the recent storm…. this is literally two weeks after I spent a weekend plastering the other parts of the ceiling that had been damaged by previous leaks), three daughters in various ages of teenage / adulthood rebellion (I didn’t think through the idea of raising feisty feminists who now have zero interest in domestic drudgery, because…. why would they?!), a home and family that needs constant managing, a father 200km away who needs support, and you know, that anti-ageing face, misbehaving body and general attempt to LIVE!!! amid the laundry loads. Oh and a coaching and speaking business, and an ambition to continue being a writer despite not living alone, but with a cleaner and cook. (And I do appreciate also how very, very lucky I am to actually have these problems, so let’s throw some guilt into the mix for being a whingy bitch).

Thinking yourself round the bend

"I can’t think straight.”

I hear this so much from clients, who just can’t get their thought ducks in a row often enough to take stock, prioritise and focus on themselves as well as the shite to be done. It is an invisible assault on women that batters us blind so you can’t breathe and see clearly.

Because one of the reasons we find it so hard to get to the end of the To-Do list so we can start the I-Want-To-Do list, is the blizzard of busyness and torrent of thought loops that swirl around our bursting brains.

🤯 There is the physical, practical work load. Which is A LOT.

🤯 There is the invisible, cognitive mental load of being responsible for it all. (Here is just a snippet of me talking about the impact of this, on the radio).

🤯 There is the emotional labour of caring for everyone and somehow, feeling responsible for everyone’s mood and happiness).

🤯 And lastly there is what I technically call, the Mind Fuckery - the socialisation that cripples women in self-criticism about being being or doing enough. That we have to be the caring, kind, nurturing, sacrificing Good Girls, as well as the practical, powerhouses of achievement (while making sure our power houses are always clean and tidy despsite not being the ones to mess and dirty them up).

I call it the Chaos Quadrant. (And when all those loops collide, I call it the Four Factor Freakout - or F 💥 Bomb . And it blows up our mental and emotional bandwidth so we lose all connection to ourselves.

So, imagine you have the Big Remote Control in the Sky. Imagine you could press the Pause button for a moment and freeze everything and everyone around you. Imagine you can take a breather, quieten the shouty thought loops in the Chaos Quadrant of your brain, and think. What do you want to prioritise (because so much on the Keep-Doing List is meaningless in the grand scheme of things. yes it might need to be done, but it likely isn’t urgent. What else, right now, is more urgent FOR YOU? By pressing the imaginary Remote Control of Life, what would make the most difference to your self and sanity when you press play again? Your answer is now your priority.

That might be your health, or something related - sleep, energy, metabolism etc. It might be reviewing and assessing your home-management so it works better for you and others take their fair share; it could be your career and what can be addressed; it could be making time to just rest or have some fun! Because whatever comes up is likely causing a lot of the blizzard of busyness in your brain.

Give it a go. Press pause on the thought loops, (I promise you, all the shite will be there when you get back….) and just think about what would you change, fix, address, decide, let go of, start doing, get help for, prioritise. Because your energy is going somewhere, whether you direct it or not. That Chaos Quadrant is designed to keep your hair on fire so you can’t find your cool head.

Enough is enough in the four fire dumpsters of your energy sap. YOU decide how much noise they make. You own your remote contol.

Fancy your own remote control?

This work is life-changing. If you are a woman with your hair on fire, or even feeling a bit singed by it all, join me from 10th February, and I will take you on a 12 week step-by-step review and reset to help you get, and stay, in charge of your life... however you need that to look and feel like.

With Be Brilliantly YOU! - Living a Better, Bolder, Brighter Life you'll get a weekly video and reflection exercise to progress in your own time, a weekly live online call where I can coach / answer questions in a group setting, and a 1:1 hour at some point during the 12 weeks, plus direct email support from me all the way through.

It's got all the content of my transformative 1:1 programme, and also the flexibility to fit in around your own life and budget. I've designed it for women who need to learn (or remember) how to prioritise themselves and need a clear, manageable and bespoke roadmap to stay on the track of their choosing.

So, if you're ready to roll and get a life you can manage with balance, clarity and joy, enrol now!

All the deets are here, and if you've any questions, just drop me a reply.

You CAN have more fairness, balance and beauty in your life - to really live the vibrant life you want. You’ll be part of a small cohort of women, who while all have their own unique story, will also know how it feels to want to manage better, choose boundaries and live bolder days, and feel brighter amid the merry mayhem. As always my paid subscribers get a 10% discount - just email me at alana@alanakirk.com.

And until the end of January, you can book my New Year Special Breakthrough 2025 - Your Year to Thrive. It’s a package of two empower hour coaching sessions plus a copy of my book Midlife, redefined: Better, Bolder, Brighter for just €250. (Normally one breakthrough Clarity Coaching session is €150). If you’re feeling stuck, need a change or want to get a grip on your life, this will give you the space, guidance and focus to make sure next year is YOUR year. As always, my paid subscribers get a 10% discount.. just email me at alana@alanakirk.com.

I absolutely love hearing from you, so please join me in the comments below (if you’re reading this in an email, please click on the link below to go through to the website to join the conversation.)

Want to remote control your life?

Seriously..... enough is enough

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