Midlife women in the workplace need equity before equality.

Here’s why.

May 29, 2024

Increasing research is showing that coaching and related therapies can have a hugely positive effect on women in the workplace in midlife. Here’s why.

“When it feels hard , It's usually because it is hard. Now ask yourself what support you need.”

This is the advice I hand out most regularly to my coaching clients, (and myself). I work with women in midlife because we are the busiest, and least supported, cohort of society. I see it in my own life, and with every client: whether she is struggling with the emotional rollercoaster of fertility; juggling career and family care; trying to figure out the impossible conundrum of being a brilliant wife, mother, daughter, boss/colleague while looking amazing, having a fabulously clean and trendy home while ageing in an age of anti-ageing propaganda (how dare she age!); whether she is going through a separation or divorce and trying to keep everyone else’s world together while hers falls apart; whether she’s reached a point of total overwhelm and can only now scream at everyone, but no-one hears because she can’t get the emotional bandwidth or mental headspace to actually figure out what she really needs and wants and then figure out how to articulate it; whether she is struggling with parent-care alongside all the other roles and responsibilities she has; whether she has reached a crossroads and has to decide what her life now looks like while still trying to please everyone else’s idea of who and what she should be; or whether she’s at an exciting new stage of life and wondering can she really go for what she wants because she’s unsure how to answer that question because she’s never been encouraged to ask it.

Whatever her overall issue, when she is struggling to hear her own needs amid the barrage of societal narratives telling her what she’s supposed to feel, I ask her to recognise that when it feels hard, it’s usually because it is hard; now let’s ask what does she need to support herself through it?

Which is why a modality like coaching in the workplace is so important for women, to give them the safe, neutral space to come out from under the overwhelm and outside noise to make sense of themselves in a world not built for, or by, them.

Today’s women in their 30’s 40’s, 50’s and 60’s are the most unique generations in history.

Firstly, we have an extra two or three decades of life expectancy to be lived in midlife, not old age, alongside unprecedented opportunities and possibilities. That’s the good news. The bad news is we’re still severely burdened by out-dated conditioning and societal narratives compelling women to be all things to all people, be the Good Girl, and don’t dare step out of line by putting yourself first or saying "fuck this!” I talk about the Triad of Turmoil that this inflicts on us - People Pleasing, Imposter Syndrome and Perfectionism - here.

Secondly, we are the generations in a unique transition, moving away from a 3000 year old Patriarchy, whereby society was built around the idea that men did and women supported. But we haven’t reached equity yet.

So we struggle to keep our balance in the juggle of careers and family life with one foot in each camp - the conditioning and unfairness of the Patriarchy in one, and the promise of equality in the other - and it can feel really hard. Because it is hard! So the important piece is to then ask what is it you need to manage better without falling into the abyss of overwhelm or self-judgement because YOU CAN’T DO EVERYTHING PERFECTLY WHILE SMILING SWEETLY AND THRIVING AS AN INDIVIDUAL!!

There is a significant difference between equality and equity. When we chase equality, we are pursuing concepts like equal pay, equal pension, equal child-care support, equal housework division, equal space in a relationship to thrive as an individual.

Equity allows for the different supports required to achieve equality. That means equal pay isn’t the end of a woman’s problem’s if she’s still carrying the majority of responsibility at home, getting no support for health issues like menopause and/or trying to live up to unreal and unrealistic expectations around gender and ageing.

Equity means that a woman is given the support she needs. Today, burnout and overwhelm are significant issues affecting women. In these wonderful but hectic midlives, we are often still working in career ladder structures instead of a climbing wall approach where the context of lives are considered and supported.

Why coaching helps in midlife generally

It’s this context that matters because it is very different to their male counterparts; physiologically, mentally, socially and emotionally.

Physiologically, we can go through extreme experiences related to fertility, pregnancy, child-birth, breast-feeding, perimenopause, with profound impacts on mental and physical wellbeing.

Mentally, we are living in a Patriarchy, albeit a shifting one, which means while we where promised we could have it all, it often just feels like we’re doing it all (and wrongly).

Socially, we are striving to grasp these amazing new freedoms and opportunities to thrive as individuals against a backdrop of often feeling like we are only surviving the constant pressures.

Emotionally, ageing in an Age of Anti-Ageing Propaganda, with social narratives constantly opining on how we are supposed to look and behave, means overwhelm, burnout and misogyny are severely hampering our ability to take care of our emotional wellbeing.

Work and home life are so interconnected through our ever-evolving lives, equity means that everyone gets the right, specific, support they need at certain times of life.

And this is where coaching can really make a difference in the workplace. Coaching works because it provides the space and structure to find clarity, confidence and direction. For women in midlife, this is critical for clarity amid the mayhem, which contributes to an increase in confidence in seeking resources, solutions and goals, can provide a space to role-model conversations to ask for support and help at work, with partners, and with health professionals.

Why coaching helps women in peri/menopause specifically

I was delighted to speak at this year’s National Menopause Summit, where it was clear that women need a number of key elements to manage menopause alongside careers, to prevent them feeling isolated in the workplace.

the right information from the right sources and we shouldn’t have to go looking for it in hard to find places
this to be a whole-society-supported issue, not something we go through in silence or shame.
understanding this is an ever-evolving situation that requires varying supports through perhaps a ten year period

Research has already shown that women who have a clear understanding of perimenopause and know how to ask for the right supports, actually experience less symptoms and feel less impacted by the process. So alongside a systemic provision of appropriate information, coaching can be a powerful tool to help women put the information and symptoms into the wider context of their busy lives.

Increasing research is showing that, aside from HRT therapy, other forms of holistic and psychological supports can have a profound impact, especially on very common symptoms such as brain-fog, anxiety, loss of confidence and mood problems. In the most recent study of it’s kind, results published in the Journal of Affective Disorders from a meta-analysis of 30 studies involving 3,501 peri-menopausal women in 14 counties, showed statistically significant improvements in anxiety and depression following CBT and similar interventions.

I was delighted to be recently asked to share my knowledge as a midlife coach for a research project on the benefit of coaching on women in peri-menopause and beyond in the workplace, which is showing powerful improvements in women’s coping strategies if given coaching support in the workplace (results being published soon).

Peri / Menopause doesn’t happen in isolation. It happens at the busiest time of life. Coaching can be the pause button, casting clarity on the specific issues and giving the space to process and make practical decisions to improve quality of life.

Despite the fact that menopausal women are the fastest growing demographic in the workforce, research shows that women are leaving the workforce in signifiant numbers due to the lack of support around menopause. The Menopause Hub’s recent study shows that 12% of women in Ireland who are going through perimenopasue, give up work due to their symptoms.

For a study published in International Journal of Evidence Based Coaching and Mentoring, conducted by Suzanne Dunn in 2022, she interviewed senior women in leading positions who had received coaching as a means of support. Given the disruptive impact of perimenopause on women’s work performance, the marginalisation they often feel at work, the fear of being seen as incompetent, and the fact some women leave their workplace as a consequence of peri-menopausal problems, she observed that all interviewees judged coaching around the problems as “extremely valuable” and an “essential intervention” which helped them to reconsider their roles and to overcome their loss of confidence. They were also enthusiastic about sharing their insights within the wider workplace. All women interviewed, valued coaching as “a setting for support, a safe space to explore their careers, and to build confidence”. Dunn observes that when women were willing to discuss personal matters within this workplace coaching frame, it had a positive impact on their general well-being.

I see that over and over again in my own work. Work and home life are so interconnected through our ever-changing lives, and equity means that everyone gets the right, specific, support they need at certain times of life, rather than just equality. Given the complexity of women’s midlives, it can significantly help women manage crucial transitions and experiences in their lives.

I’m thrilled to be working with a number of companies in offering work-based coaching for work/life balance. I hope it’s the start of a growing trend that will see employers valuing equity on the road to equality.

The three main ways I can offer support are:

a company talk, bespoke to the needs of the audience, based around the idea of ageing powerfully, understanding where you are at in midlife, what that means for work/life balance, and how to manage your emotional health whatever the circumstances, while taking advantage of this time and what that could mean.

A 2-3 hour workshop which will include the talk above but will include more time to get into questions and coaching and helping to work through some of the ideas in real time.

A 1:1 coaching package of 3 one-hour sessions for female staff to avail of to help them manage a particular work/life balance issue such as divorce, menopause, bereavement, juggling work and small family etc. A neutral safe space to feel seen and heard and have the structure to work through solutions.

I’d love to know how you think about women needing supports in the workplace so please join me in the comments below (if you’re reading this in an email, please click on the link below to go through to the website to join the conversation.)

Midlife women in the workplace need equity before equality.

Here’s why.

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