Need a spring in your step?
Just one step is enough.
Once I left home and swung into my adult life, I would learn to wait for the phone call in February.
It would come at different times, depending on the harshness of the winter as the dark, dank days dragged on. But then the phone would ring, a sprinkling shrill like the early beginnings of birds chirping that would soon fill the trees as they started to dress themselves in leaves again.
“They’re here!”
It was my mum, declaring the arrival of the first snowdrops, in desperation of searching for signs that a glimmer of hope was twinkling like the early Spring sun finally realised.
She hated winter. My mum was shy but vibrant. And she suited the vibrant season of Spring. She didn’t do well hunkered down in the grey months and her mental and emotional health seemed so connected to the weather it was like she held her breath in January holding out for hope.
The snowdrops represented tiny white flags waving in surrender. She could breath again. And soon the crocuses would slither up and unfurl, followed by the daffodils, each arrival warranting another excited phone call.
On the day my mum died, after five and a half long years bedridden and brain damaged from a stroke, the daffodil bulbs my dad had planted in the window box by her bed in the dining-room-converted-care-room, unfurled. They shone bright and yellow and as we sat with her as she took her last frail breaths, they seemed to dance in delight for her one last time. A last wave to her from the many Springs she had delighted in.
I see a different version with some of the women I coach, as they emerge from a long, grey-feeling, draining period of life. Having devoted so much of themselves to the care and facilitation of other’s lives - partners, partner’s careers, children, parents - they are stumbling into the light of a ‘second spring’ as Asia calls the next stage of a woman’s life after raising a family. Others are emerging from a stifling marriage, or even finally lifting their heads from years on survival mode juggling young kids and career.
What they are all looking for are signs of hope that change is possible. That they can unfurl and turn their faces to a life more coloured in. Like Spring, a chance to choose a different vibe, take a deep breath of fresh air, the days coloured with a different hue.
It often doesn’t take much to get a spring in our step but it does take a first step. A signal, a sign, a white waving flag of surrender that it’s time for a change.
This newsletter is filled with words describing the relentless weathering women face on top of the ups and downs of life; the emotional over-responsibility, the practical overload, the mental overwhelm and the overbearing mind fuckery of the relentless social narratives telling women who and how they “should” be. And taking a step towards change is like winter revealing the signs of Spring.
It could be a decision to invest more time in your health and fitness; it could be to invest more energy on your hobby or creativity or something that brings you joy; it could be to direct your attention on what’s really important for you now in your career, or other parts of your life.
But here’s the thing I hear (and say!) all the time.
“I don’t have time.”
You don’t have time because you’re weathering all the expectations and demands and then look around to discover there is no time or energy left for you.
So to put a spring in your step, make one small change - the initial snowdrop of a sign.
Flip the time allocation switch. Because here’s the wintered truth about women’s lives:
Everything else will drain your time
Here’re the Spring version:
Unless, and until, you claim your time first.
Let’s sing it!
Everything else drains my time, unless I claim my time first.
I’ve a client who has just flipped this switch. She has decided to organise her week by allocating the time she wants to do things that are important to her - exercise, studying and planning her new career - and THEN she fits everything around that.
So here’s how this might look - you look at your 4 P’s.
Priority
Everything else drains your time unless you claim your time first. So what is your priority for yourself? Last week I wrote about there only being one singular priority (based on the quality of your life) and then you can decide levels of important pillars. Women were socially trained to always put others first but that doesn’t work out so well for us - see endless research and stats on overwhelm, anxiety, burnout. So start with you, (watch the patriarchy shudder) and see what happens. You don’t have to stop being a loving, kind, caring, generous (all the female traits) woman, but you just prioritise your needs and see how the other stuff fits around it. If you don’t claim it, there will always be something to drain it (see this post on changing the To-Do list to a Keeping Doing list because it never ends).
Purpose
Everything else drains your time unless you claim your time first. So what brings you a deep sense of self? You don’t have to save the world… you just have to start saving yourself. Women are socialised to care externally but when you start diverting a little of that care on yourself, when you live with purpose about your life (because the pressure to “find your purpose” is just another stick to beat yourself with) - just shifting your focus to live with more purpose based on your priority (singular; about the quality of your life) is enough. In my Daily journal prompt I start the day with Intention and end with Reflection. Just taking one minute to set your intention for the day, direct your energy in a direction of your choosing not being pulled auto automatically by every demand gives you a purpose based on your life too, not just the roles and responsibilities.
Passion
Everything else drains your time unless you claim your time first. So what small (or big and bold) experiences bring you joy? It can be the simple things (being in nature) to the personal (writing, for me). But it’s broader… spring is about a new lease of life. So claiming time for your new lease of life means feeling a passion for life, a passion for peace, a passion for connection or whatever brings you joy.
Principles
Everything else drains your time unless you claim your time first. So what are the key principles you need? For me it’s creativity, connection, learning, and movement - I want them in my life. So claiming time for them first, means my battery is full for all the love and attention and thought I want to give to my family, my work and my home.
So as Spring dazzles us with new light, and you see the signals for change to colour yourself in, maybe take a first step to start putting a spring in your step and reclaim your time first, as everything else will drain it if you don’t.
For my paid subscribers, please email me for a code to access a free video and exercise to help you find those principles… and also of course always a 10% discount to my workshops. The next one is The Overwhelm Breakthrough Session
The Overwhelm Breakthrough Session
- Reclaim Your Time, Energy, and Sanity.
A 90-minute reset workshop with practical strategies to help you live your better, bolder, brighter life.
There is an online option on the 25th March and an in-person gathering in Dublin 6 on the 28th March….. all details are at https://www.themidlifecoach.org/overwhelm-session.
Please join me in the comments below (if you’re reading this in an email, please click on the link below to go through to the website to join the conversation.) And please take a moment to like and share if you enjoyed it! As always, if you fancy a coaching hour with me to give yourself the time to think about yourself and next steps, you can book a Breakthrough Empower Hour here. And as always, my paid subscribers get a 10% discount - just email me at alana@alanakirk.com
My next Group coaching programme is up and ready for fabulous women to join. It starts on the 14th April.
The Balanced Life Blueprint
10 weeks to delve deep into where and how and who you are at this age and stage - whatever that is - and create a clear and confident pathway ahead.
All the details are at https://www.themidlifecoach.org/coaching-in-a-group
My paid subscribers get a discount - email me at alana@alanakirk.com
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